Not to a dee-luxe apartment in the sky (oh, that all the TV I watched in my youth was not burned so indelibly in my brain) but to a shiny new self-hosted Wordpress blog. You can find it here.
It's not all prettified yet, but I'll be working on it over the days and weeks to come. I don't know if anyone out there is reading or subscribed, but now would be an ideal time to update whatever internet thingamies necessary to keep reading or subscribing. Oh, and yes, now that you mention it, I do intend to start posting again.
As my high school English teacher Mrs. Weber used to say, "Come on over!"
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Happiness is...
...riding your bike to work, wearing a skirt you sewed yourself, giving a friendly wave to a stranger who is out mowing his lawn, hearing when your backpack hits the pavement after falling off the pannier rack behind you so you can stop to pick it up, and still getting to work on time. Yes, I'm feeling quite righteous and wholesome today. Yes, indeed.
I biked to work yesterday, too, to cheer myself up after the itchy walk around the block. For the short time left that I have a bikeable commute and while the weather is absolutely perfect for biking, I'm going to enjoy it.
Happiness is also acing the final exam for the Mickey Mouse computer class that's part of the curriculum at Virginia Marti, without taking the class, and using software that I had never seen before, namely the 2007 versions of Word and PowerPoint, which appear to have been changed for no other reason than to confuse and frustrate long-time users of the software. The man from the school who called with my results was certainly milking the suspense for all it was worth. The tone of his voice said failure, so I was happily surprised when he said "passed," even though I left the test feeling fairly confident of a pass. Heck, I skipped to my car yesterday. That was more because I'd finally gotten a) my first text book and b) the summer schedule, but still.
After work, a weaving guild friend is coming over to help me get unstuck with the piles and piles of stuff clogging up my laundry room needing to be overdyed/dyed/have the color removed/etc. I haven't been able to use my laundry folding table in something like a year or two? It's ridiculous. I find that the more I admit I need help, the easier things get. Even if she can't help me, I'll be that much closer to getting through it all. I've got all the supplies and equipment I need, I just need the moral support and social facilitation (learned that one at Bryn Mawr, hello Psych 101). The same person recently helped me overcome an obstacle on the loom that took approximately 30 seconds to overcome when she was standing there, but which had caused me to leave the loom sitting untouched for months. Yeesh.
Tonight, we celebrate by going to see the Star Trek movie. Okay, we were going to see it anyhow, but it feels very celebratory to me. I can tell that getting good grades is going to continue to be a motivating force for me as I go back to school. It's just such a straightforward way to get an ego boost. The June Sewing Fundamentals class that I'll be taking (oh, I got in, did I forget to mention that on here?) is mainly for them to assess what kind of students we will be. Ha! Stand back, Virginia Marti College. I will be taking you by storm.
I biked to work yesterday, too, to cheer myself up after the itchy walk around the block. For the short time left that I have a bikeable commute and while the weather is absolutely perfect for biking, I'm going to enjoy it.
Happiness is also acing the final exam for the Mickey Mouse computer class that's part of the curriculum at Virginia Marti, without taking the class, and using software that I had never seen before, namely the 2007 versions of Word and PowerPoint, which appear to have been changed for no other reason than to confuse and frustrate long-time users of the software. The man from the school who called with my results was certainly milking the suspense for all it was worth. The tone of his voice said failure, so I was happily surprised when he said "passed," even though I left the test feeling fairly confident of a pass. Heck, I skipped to my car yesterday. That was more because I'd finally gotten a) my first text book and b) the summer schedule, but still.
After work, a weaving guild friend is coming over to help me get unstuck with the piles and piles of stuff clogging up my laundry room needing to be overdyed/dyed/have the color removed/etc. I haven't been able to use my laundry folding table in something like a year or two? It's ridiculous. I find that the more I admit I need help, the easier things get. Even if she can't help me, I'll be that much closer to getting through it all. I've got all the supplies and equipment I need, I just need the moral support and social facilitation (learned that one at Bryn Mawr, hello Psych 101). The same person recently helped me overcome an obstacle on the loom that took approximately 30 seconds to overcome when she was standing there, but which had caused me to leave the loom sitting untouched for months. Yeesh.
Tonight, we celebrate by going to see the Star Trek movie. Okay, we were going to see it anyhow, but it feels very celebratory to me. I can tell that getting good grades is going to continue to be a motivating force for me as I go back to school. It's just such a straightforward way to get an ego boost. The June Sewing Fundamentals class that I'll be taking (oh, I got in, did I forget to mention that on here?) is mainly for them to assess what kind of students we will be. Ha! Stand back, Virginia Marti College. I will be taking you by storm.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Big News
Most people probably don't know that my decision to move to Ohio from Philadelphia just over 6 years ago was confirmed by a tarot card reading. It's not something I generally trumpet about, but I do tell to people who I know and can trust not to look at me like I'm too crazy. And it's not that the entire idea came out of a reading and I just ran off and did it; I had been mulling over the idea for about a month or so before I had the reading done by my very cool friend Kelly, who is also an incredibly talented tarot card reader (psst-- Kelly, I wish I could like to a site for your tarot business). And the cards pointed to the move being a great thing in every way: financially, emotionally, spiritually. So my decision to move felt a little stronger under my feet, and I honestly haven't regretted it one bit. Yes, I miss Philly's pulse, all the friends, the great restaurants, but I'm where I belong here in Ohio even if I'm sometimes lonely for Philly. It just means I need to visit more often.
Well, I've had another idea knocking around in my head the past few weeks that I haven't discussed too openly until now, but I had another tarot reading yesterday morning, this time by the wonderful Victoria Pendragon, so I'm going public. Drumroll, please.
I'm going back to school. I recently heard from an acquaintance about the existence of Virginia Marti College of Art and Design and more specifically their Fashion Design program. The first few days after I heard about it were liking walking around with a fresh crush on someone. I was mentally sucking on the idea like a piece of candy. The only thing I could think about is how fun it would be. It's a common theme in Figuring Out What To Do with Your Life exercises to think about what would make you happy, but I had never been really able to shut off the part of my mind that is worried about paying the bills and making sound choices and whether any given course of action is going to give a good return on investment. But when I was first considering this idea, it was just, wow, what if I did this thing just because it would make me incredibly happy? Not to get rich or famous or even have a really clear idea what I'd do with the skills when I got done, but just because I've always wanted to learn this material and here's the perfect place to do it. What a concept. I finally got what every career book and counselor has been asking me to do for all these many years I've been on the hunt for my True Calling, and it just happened without me realizing it.
And then the tarot reading was so very positive. Very positive indeed. Not that going back to school is going to be a walk in the park. I'm quite sure and the cards confirmed that I've got some fine opportunities for personal growth ahead of me, but that doesn't feel like a bad thing. And The Professor is 100% behind me. I visited the school yesterday, met with the admissions rep, Betsy, who was just lovely. I have my application in hand, ready to be completed. So, now I just have to apply, but if I get in, and if I can pay for it, and where there's a will there's a way, then I'm doing it. Zoinks!
To give me a taste of what's in store, Betsy said I could check out the end-of-quarter critique for the students this Saturday morning, so I'm super excited about that, and The Professor is going to accompany me so he can get an idea of what I'm getting into as well. I've told my wonderful boss at my J-O-B, and she's also supportive, even knowing that I will probably have to reduce my hours if not vacate my seat altogether. Anyhow, fun! I couldn't be happier. I haven't had a new crush in a while, so I'm going to enjoy this feeling while it lasts.
Well, I've had another idea knocking around in my head the past few weeks that I haven't discussed too openly until now, but I had another tarot reading yesterday morning, this time by the wonderful Victoria Pendragon, so I'm going public. Drumroll, please.
I'm going back to school. I recently heard from an acquaintance about the existence of Virginia Marti College of Art and Design and more specifically their Fashion Design program. The first few days after I heard about it were liking walking around with a fresh crush on someone. I was mentally sucking on the idea like a piece of candy. The only thing I could think about is how fun it would be. It's a common theme in Figuring Out What To Do with Your Life exercises to think about what would make you happy, but I had never been really able to shut off the part of my mind that is worried about paying the bills and making sound choices and whether any given course of action is going to give a good return on investment. But when I was first considering this idea, it was just, wow, what if I did this thing just because it would make me incredibly happy? Not to get rich or famous or even have a really clear idea what I'd do with the skills when I got done, but just because I've always wanted to learn this material and here's the perfect place to do it. What a concept. I finally got what every career book and counselor has been asking me to do for all these many years I've been on the hunt for my True Calling, and it just happened without me realizing it.
And then the tarot reading was so very positive. Very positive indeed. Not that going back to school is going to be a walk in the park. I'm quite sure and the cards confirmed that I've got some fine opportunities for personal growth ahead of me, but that doesn't feel like a bad thing. And The Professor is 100% behind me. I visited the school yesterday, met with the admissions rep, Betsy, who was just lovely. I have my application in hand, ready to be completed. So, now I just have to apply, but if I get in, and if I can pay for it, and where there's a will there's a way, then I'm doing it. Zoinks!
To give me a taste of what's in store, Betsy said I could check out the end-of-quarter critique for the students this Saturday morning, so I'm super excited about that, and The Professor is going to accompany me so he can get an idea of what I'm getting into as well. I've told my wonderful boss at my J-O-B, and she's also supportive, even knowing that I will probably have to reduce my hours if not vacate my seat altogether. Anyhow, fun! I couldn't be happier. I haven't had a new crush in a while, so I'm going to enjoy this feeling while it lasts.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Revelations
Friday I was working on sewing myself a skirt, again, and even though I didn't finish the skirt, I did have a mess of Useful Insights that I wanted to share. I usually tend to avoid writing about something that feels so personal, your basic fear of revealing the inner self, but I've been so moved by some other people's sharing in this way that I am taking the leap and doing it. Please be gentle with me. I feel like I've made a great breakthrough figuring out what has kept me from sewing more and achieving my goal of a wardrobe of custom-tailored one-of-a-kind clothes that I made myself. Yes, that's my goal. I admit it. I am vain, and not only do I want to look fabulous, I want to reply to all those future compliments with a casual, "Thanks, I made it myself." I chalk it up to my Venus in Leo in the 10th house, but call it what you will.
I haven't talked too much about this goal because, well, did you read it? It sounds awful. It doesn't sound noble or worthy or like it will help save the planet. But you know what? It's mine. It's one of my dreams, so I'm coming out of the closet and telling the world. I want to look great in clothes I made myself. I want to be freed from the depressing shackles of ready-to-wear bullshit clothes that are made to fit heaven knows who. I want to decide the exact colors and shapes that go on my body every day: classic, well fitting and perfect for me. That's my goal, one of the most pressing ones I have these days, even more than figuring out What To Do With My Life, because whatever I do, I'm going to be so much happier doing it if I'm dressed nicely. There, now you know the truth. I feel better.
So, I am working away at this skirt on Friday, a simple A-line skirt, a real beginner project, nothing fancy. And it was No Fun At All. I was not enjoying myself. I kept going because I have a deadline, finally. This wonderful woman who is a Home Ec teacher and who I met at a draping class last fall is meeting with me first thing Monday morning, and by God, I am going to have a skirt to show her. At least most of one, my hope is total completion, as in I am wearing it over there, but I would settle for everything but the hem. The good news is, even if I don't finish it, she will hold my hand and/or crack the whip (or some combination thereof) so that I can finish it when we get together. I am so blessed to have found this generous woman.
In the midst the slow slogging away, though, my mind was churning. And I wondered, do I even like sewing? Maybe I was wrong and I don't even like it? A few years ago I took a bunch of woodworking classes, even made a little wall cabinet and a very nice end table, even bought all the fancy power tools so I could keep making more furniture (confession: I also want to live in a house filled with beautiful, handmade, custom-designed, one-of-a-kind furniture; are you sensing a theme here?). And you know what? That wall cabinet is still sitting in the basement needing to be sanded and finished. The end table is only done because The Professor finished planing and sanding and finishing it for me. Turns out what I like about woodworking is coming up with ideas, designing the exact piece to meet the exact need, with just the right size, shape and features. I'm scared witless of the table saw and want no part of using it. Sanding is just boring hard work, and I'd rather save my wrist energy for knitting or typing. Measuring and assembling, I'm down with those, but they make up so little of any project. Luckily, The Professor has taken to woodworking like a duck to water, so the investment in setting up shop hasn't gone to waste, thank heavens. I was wrong about woodworking, maybe I was wrong about sewing?
But no. I have had loads of fun sewing things that I can sew. I made this sweet little bag
a while ago just on a whim, and I had a blast doing it, because it was in my comfort zone and because it didn't require me to follow instructions, just do some math, a little bit of planning and thinking and then go.
But making a garment is a different matter. There is a lot more pressure to get it right, because if I don't, it won't fit, and then it misses the entire point. But also, I don't really know what I'm doing yet. I have only sewn one truly successful garment in my life, and that was done under the close supervision of my mom. She came to Philly for the weekend and babysat me while I sewed a dress for my high-school reunion. It came out great, but with no motherly safety net, I have been scared to take a step. Because even though this nice Home Ec teacher is taking me under her wing, I just don't feel right calling her with every silly question that stops me the way I would feel okay calling my mom.
But I realized Friday it was more than that. I have been classifying sewing in my mind as fun, play. An enjoyable hobby, a self-indulgence. You know what? It's not. It's work. Me making clothes for myself is, at this point, a chore. Because I'm not just sewing for fun, I'm sewing because I need something to wear. It's been so long since I've had a comfortable pair of pants that weren't sweats. My body has changed since I moved to Ohio, and my wardrobe has yet to catch up. It's embarrassing.
And on top of that, I'm not just sewing, I'm learning to sew clothes. Learning being different from just doing, and clothes being different from any other kind of sewing. And not only that, I haven't been learning in the way that's easiest for me so far. I like to learn from a real live human, a person who can answer my questions and help me when I get stuck. I have taken excellent classes, and I have a mess of sewing books and videos, but you can't ask a video questions, and my class notes don't cover every hiccup I encounter.
So no wonder I haven't been sewing. When I am deciding what to do with my down time, I'm just not going to pick an activity that is more work, even if it's only my subconscious that perceives it as work (or perhaps especially if it's only my subconscious). If I treat sewing clothes like the chore it is, I will schedule it for when I have more energy, and it will get done. And if I honor the truth that I am still learning and that I need more support than I've been giving myself to learn this new skill, I bet it will go a lot better.
Another embarrassing truth is that when I have to do something, I just don't want to do it. A rather immature trait, I know, this chafing at authority, even when it's self-imposed, but here we are. And the fact that I refuse to buy clothes from the store because of their overall suckiness combined with not having anything left from my old life that fits means that sewing clothes is one giant have-to. No wonder I haven't been sewing.
Another helpful thought that occurred to me is that a year ago, I didn't know how to make bread. Now I can walk into the kitchen and make a double batch of whole wheat bread without even looking at the recipe. So, it took me a year, but I mastered bread making, and the other night I even tackled pizza dough. I feel more hopeful about my potential for sewing my own clothes when I think about bread. It's just going to take time and practice and patience with myself, and probably a little more outside help than I've been allowing myself. What a burden lifted to realize these things.
And actually, what a burden lifted to write out these thoughts and share them with you, dear reader. Thanks for listening. I sincerely appreciate it.
I haven't talked too much about this goal because, well, did you read it? It sounds awful. It doesn't sound noble or worthy or like it will help save the planet. But you know what? It's mine. It's one of my dreams, so I'm coming out of the closet and telling the world. I want to look great in clothes I made myself. I want to be freed from the depressing shackles of ready-to-wear bullshit clothes that are made to fit heaven knows who. I want to decide the exact colors and shapes that go on my body every day: classic, well fitting and perfect for me. That's my goal, one of the most pressing ones I have these days, even more than figuring out What To Do With My Life, because whatever I do, I'm going to be so much happier doing it if I'm dressed nicely. There, now you know the truth. I feel better.
So, I am working away at this skirt on Friday, a simple A-line skirt, a real beginner project, nothing fancy. And it was No Fun At All. I was not enjoying myself. I kept going because I have a deadline, finally. This wonderful woman who is a Home Ec teacher and who I met at a draping class last fall is meeting with me first thing Monday morning, and by God, I am going to have a skirt to show her. At least most of one, my hope is total completion, as in I am wearing it over there, but I would settle for everything but the hem. The good news is, even if I don't finish it, she will hold my hand and/or crack the whip (or some combination thereof) so that I can finish it when we get together. I am so blessed to have found this generous woman.
In the midst the slow slogging away, though, my mind was churning. And I wondered, do I even like sewing? Maybe I was wrong and I don't even like it? A few years ago I took a bunch of woodworking classes, even made a little wall cabinet and a very nice end table, even bought all the fancy power tools so I could keep making more furniture (confession: I also want to live in a house filled with beautiful, handmade, custom-designed, one-of-a-kind furniture; are you sensing a theme here?). And you know what? That wall cabinet is still sitting in the basement needing to be sanded and finished. The end table is only done because The Professor finished planing and sanding and finishing it for me. Turns out what I like about woodworking is coming up with ideas, designing the exact piece to meet the exact need, with just the right size, shape and features. I'm scared witless of the table saw and want no part of using it. Sanding is just boring hard work, and I'd rather save my wrist energy for knitting or typing. Measuring and assembling, I'm down with those, but they make up so little of any project. Luckily, The Professor has taken to woodworking like a duck to water, so the investment in setting up shop hasn't gone to waste, thank heavens. I was wrong about woodworking, maybe I was wrong about sewing?
But no. I have had loads of fun sewing things that I can sew. I made this sweet little bag
a while ago just on a whim, and I had a blast doing it, because it was in my comfort zone and because it didn't require me to follow instructions, just do some math, a little bit of planning and thinking and then go.But making a garment is a different matter. There is a lot more pressure to get it right, because if I don't, it won't fit, and then it misses the entire point. But also, I don't really know what I'm doing yet. I have only sewn one truly successful garment in my life, and that was done under the close supervision of my mom. She came to Philly for the weekend and babysat me while I sewed a dress for my high-school reunion. It came out great, but with no motherly safety net, I have been scared to take a step. Because even though this nice Home Ec teacher is taking me under her wing, I just don't feel right calling her with every silly question that stops me the way I would feel okay calling my mom.
But I realized Friday it was more than that. I have been classifying sewing in my mind as fun, play. An enjoyable hobby, a self-indulgence. You know what? It's not. It's work. Me making clothes for myself is, at this point, a chore. Because I'm not just sewing for fun, I'm sewing because I need something to wear. It's been so long since I've had a comfortable pair of pants that weren't sweats. My body has changed since I moved to Ohio, and my wardrobe has yet to catch up. It's embarrassing.
And on top of that, I'm not just sewing, I'm learning to sew clothes. Learning being different from just doing, and clothes being different from any other kind of sewing. And not only that, I haven't been learning in the way that's easiest for me so far. I like to learn from a real live human, a person who can answer my questions and help me when I get stuck. I have taken excellent classes, and I have a mess of sewing books and videos, but you can't ask a video questions, and my class notes don't cover every hiccup I encounter.
So no wonder I haven't been sewing. When I am deciding what to do with my down time, I'm just not going to pick an activity that is more work, even if it's only my subconscious that perceives it as work (or perhaps especially if it's only my subconscious). If I treat sewing clothes like the chore it is, I will schedule it for when I have more energy, and it will get done. And if I honor the truth that I am still learning and that I need more support than I've been giving myself to learn this new skill, I bet it will go a lot better.
Another embarrassing truth is that when I have to do something, I just don't want to do it. A rather immature trait, I know, this chafing at authority, even when it's self-imposed, but here we are. And the fact that I refuse to buy clothes from the store because of their overall suckiness combined with not having anything left from my old life that fits means that sewing clothes is one giant have-to. No wonder I haven't been sewing.
Another helpful thought that occurred to me is that a year ago, I didn't know how to make bread. Now I can walk into the kitchen and make a double batch of whole wheat bread without even looking at the recipe. So, it took me a year, but I mastered bread making, and the other night I even tackled pizza dough. I feel more hopeful about my potential for sewing my own clothes when I think about bread. It's just going to take time and practice and patience with myself, and probably a little more outside help than I've been allowing myself. What a burden lifted to realize these things.
And actually, what a burden lifted to write out these thoughts and share them with you, dear reader. Thanks for listening. I sincerely appreciate it.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Your help needed
This year the date snuck up on me, and I didn't plan any sort of gathering or celebration in honor of my mom, and I didn't even realize it until I woke up at 3 am that today was what I've taken to calling the Feast of Madelyn, aka the day seven years ago that my little momelet checked out. So, in that unwelcome wakefulness, the idea came to me to ask anyone who reads this post to do me a favor and join in me in a virtual celebration wherever you are by either:a) eating a delicious meal or
b) spending some time with a friend.
Food and friends were my mom's big things; she was always organizing parties or book clubs or golf tournaments, and just about everyone who knew her, including me, felt like she was one of their very best friends. Heck, you could just raise a glass of wine in her name, or call someone you haven't talked to in awhile, and that would be enough. Just come back here and tell me about it, to bring all the separate little actions together in one place. Let's celebrate the Feast of Madelyn all over the world. Anyone with me?
I haven't figured out what The Professor and I will do this evening in her honor. The easiest plan would be to go out for a meal, but after unexpectedly having to pay for three new tires yesterday, I think we'll be eating at home. I want to call some people today that my mother loved just to connect with them, like my godmother Joan, who is the one on the left in the photo. I'll come back and report, too.
In other news, I started exercising again today for the first time in I don't even remember how long, which felt great, and in a couple hours, the nice man from the women's shelter is coming to take away the dining room set my wonderful aunt and uncle donated to me when I moved in to the house. We've rearranged things and have a different place to eat now, and someone else who is starting over with nothing could no doubt make better use of it.
Thank you in advance to anyone who helps me mark this day. To Madelyn!
Friday, November 21, 2008
More happy news
Yesterday one of my dreams came true. I don't know how, but magically, I got Pandora to play via my Squeezebox (mine is an older generation version, not so sleek but just dandy). I'm currently listening to Coles Whalen radio (you might need a Pandora account for that link to work), but should my mood change, oh, the choices I have. I don't think I've mentioned before how much I love Pandora, but I love it. And now that I can listen to it through my good speakers, instead of my shitty little computer speakers? I love it even more.
The radio is keeping me company today while I (fingers crossed) finish a skirt I have been working on sewing for a couple months. Not a couple months of actual work. Very small amounts of working on it spread out, for no good reason, over a couple months. This project is one that should be able to be done in a day. Last night I called a home ec teacher I met at a draping class I took in September who generously agreed to give me some sewing coaching to confess how stuck I was and what had happened. I tripped up at the waistband stage, but the good news is, my problems are probably not because I suck but more because I didn't know enough about different kinds of interfacing and used the wrong kind. I felt so much better and wished that I hadn't waited so long to call her for advice.
During the course of the conversation she said something that I hope to be able to say myself someday. She said, "I could make a hundred wool skirts really quickly." Fantastic. I'm finishing one cotton skirt slowly, but maybe once I finish this one, I'll make another and will take less time to do it. Next up is definitely going to be wool or a wool blend, because a) that's what my home ec teacher mentor told me to use, and b) it's snowing here.
The radio is keeping me company today while I (fingers crossed) finish a skirt I have been working on sewing for a couple months. Not a couple months of actual work. Very small amounts of working on it spread out, for no good reason, over a couple months. This project is one that should be able to be done in a day. Last night I called a home ec teacher I met at a draping class I took in September who generously agreed to give me some sewing coaching to confess how stuck I was and what had happened. I tripped up at the waistband stage, but the good news is, my problems are probably not because I suck but more because I didn't know enough about different kinds of interfacing and used the wrong kind. I felt so much better and wished that I hadn't waited so long to call her for advice.
During the course of the conversation she said something that I hope to be able to say myself someday. She said, "I could make a hundred wool skirts really quickly." Fantastic. I'm finishing one cotton skirt slowly, but maybe once I finish this one, I'll make another and will take less time to do it. Next up is definitely going to be wool or a wool blend, because a) that's what my home ec teacher mentor told me to use, and b) it's snowing here.
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